The Domain of Steven

I managed to convert my usual procrastination tendencies (a response to my workload) into posting energy.

The SATs went fine. They gave us an awfully bullshit writing topic, one that bordered on philosophical. It seemed to go along with the trend that started with the first SAT writing topic, but not with most of our practice tests. I was able to flow with it, though, and relate it to an anecdote as well as a literary text. So what if I used the text in a completely different manner than it was written for? SAT prep had already trained me to be cold, callous, and without morals. That’s how I went from getting 2/6 to 6/6 on my essays: by stretching truths. It worked on my practice test when I said that Britain devised the Zimmerman telegram to draw the US into WWII (no real proof, so half true), and hopefully it’ll work when the examiners read that Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World described a society where each person had been trained from birth to fill a certain role in that society, and was completely content (true, but he used it to criticize society, not support it). Tentative scores come out tomorrow.

The college trip (over a month ago) was great. It introduced me to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute and SUNY Binghamton, both of which I’m very interested in, and I had a very fun time with friends, even if they do barge in your room and try to undo the chain lock with the Do Not Disturb sign. There was wild Family Guy, Monty Python, and phone sex goodness, with a bit of Chobits mixed in there too. Combine it with very cool pitch-blackness on the ride back, and it pretty much tempers the fact that the rules about bus switching were very strict.

Happy birthday, dear.

There’s a bit more randomness to show you, with a little porn thrown in there. ( x x x x x x )

It’s oddly amusing to discover through the AIM virus that you’re on your girlfriend’s ex’s buddy list.

Counterintuitive as it may seem, it’s worst when they talk to you about it. Proponents for communication have strong arguments, but their examples have underlying requirements. For example, the problem has to be addressed directly. There can’t be any beating around the bush. For thought springboarding, sure, you can be as indirect as you want; I’m doing it right now. It’s when fielding ideas in a playful manner is considered directly addressing the issue that fans get shitted on.

It had happened a while ago, too. I answered it in my usual fashion, making a reference to movie cliches, but the issue was pressed. I then switched into semi-philosophical mode, trying to bring the conversation to some semblance of a resolution, because there was really no answer to the question. I failed my purpose as a springboard, and because I didn’t think too hard about the weight that was put on it, I barely even recognized it as a cry for help. You could even say I trivialized it.

And whether out of disappointment about my ignorance or by natural progression, the issue escalated. If I knew it was a serious issue, I would have treated it like a serious issue. But unlike when the roles were reversed, I didn’t get a chance to. I wasn’t affected by the issue, but I wish that the issue would have been clearly laid on the table along with concerns and requests. And I wish that an answer would have been asked for, instead of constructed based off of irrelevant comments.

And so here it is again. It’s scary, because this time, I am involved. It’s scaring me on levels that had previously been safe zones, and as a person who thrives on stability, if I lose too many safe zones, I stop being able to function.

Perhaps that’s the problem right there. But how could I fix it? Would I simply be ignorant of things? Train my mind so that I simply don’t think of as many possibilities, and analyze things so shallowly that I need to see pictures to understand things?

No. I’ll confront it. For once, I’ll confront it.

That or lose all my worries and resolve once I get some sleep, like normal.